Staying Positive in a Long Distance Marriage

It’s 4pm on Friday and all I want to do is go home from work, put on a cute dress and go to dinner and a movie with my handsome husband. The reality is that he lives in another country 3,691 miles away… There is a strength, quietness, and resilience that comes from being away from the one you love. And the cool part is that a lot of creativity, deep thinking, and motivation blossom from that.

All week I’ve been looking at plane tickets, “I’ll just surprise him!” I kept saying to myself as I planned a weekend getaway. This time last year I lived in CA, and with a 12 hour plane ride to Oslo, such a thing wasn’t possible, but now in NJ with just a 6 hour plane ride to Oslo, the trip is tempting. But my alert on the Hopper app sat quietly, as the ticket prices rose from $500 to $700 to $900, finally I couldn’t rationalize the purchasing the tickets.

Luckily, Rasmus will be here for a week long trip in October, only 34 days away. Soon after that we will go on vacation with my family to Florida for the holidays, 118 days from today. And hopefully by then my family reunification visa will have been approved and I can move to Norway, where I’ll live and work as a resident, and most importantly a wife. Where my new life as a Norwegian and a wife will begin!

There are a lot of things I do to keep busy, and stay optimistic and excited about the future.

First: I try not to dwell too hard any sad feelings, rather acknowledge them, recognize them, maybe talk to Rasmus about it, and let it go. I often ask God to take any weight off my chest.

Second: I keep a progressive fitness schedule complete with a trainer, diet, cardio routine, race schedule, horseback riding, and of course cheat meals.

Third: I have a spreadsheet of things to look forward to, fitness, friends, events, parties, Rasmus visits, salon appointments, everything up until my move to Norway (where I’ll start a new one 🙂 ).

Fourth: I have an awesome husband who I try to talk to as often as possible. We have great communication, and have practice at this! We’ve been at the long distance relationship thing going on 2 years now. He can tell just by the slightest tone in my voice if something’s amiss, and I’m the same with him.

Fifth: Blog about fun things! The blog isn’t just about things I do only with Rasmus, nor is it just about fashion and beauty, it’s the story of what I do to keep happy for myself within my relationship. I love beauty things, fashion things, horses, fitness, and on the blog I compile them around what means most to me, my husband. These things I love are what keep me happy healthy and fit, and are as much a part of my relationship with myself as well as my relationship with Rasmus.

Sixth: I enjoy the solitude. While I may be living with my family for the first time since I was 15 (I went to boarding school at 15, then to college, and then right to CA where I lived independently for 3 years – but I have amazing parents, an amazing home, and am always surrounded by love), I have a lot of alone time, and I try not to take this for granted! Married life is about sharing the moments with the other person, so I’m trying to take these very quiet moments alone and memorize the mindful and meditative aspects, and be able to activate those anytime.

Something I’ve been interested in for years is blogging. I took several anthropology courses while at Columbia, one focused on the world’s first blogger, Justin Hall. He would discuss absolutely everything in enormous detail – and it was mesmerizing. When you look as someone’s life, anyone’s, very closely it is absolutely amazing. There is a Samuel Johnson quote about this, that my sister mentioned it me, but I can’t seem to find it. I’ve also been really inspired by a lot of bloggers who I read daily, one of them being my sister in law Caroline!

Life is about enjoying the present, and looking forward to the good there is to come, in my opinion. I’m focusing on enjoying all of the fun and exciting things I have planned for the coming weeks, some great fall fashion, new beauty products, exciting races, friends coming to visit, and so much more. But the light at the end of the tunnel is going home to my husband after work on a Friday, and going out on a date night in Oslo.

6 Comments

  1. I can’t even imagine how hard this must be on you. My partner goes away for a few weeks, and it feels like the world we built starts to get a little crumbly at the edges. Good for you, finding a way to make it work.

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